Our Society’s Weak Spot
Years ago, one of my children brilliantly coined
the phrase “weak spot” when he was trying to politely communicate that he had
just impolitely hit his sibling between the legs. So clever! ‘Weak spot’ worked on multiple levels, I
thought: physical, and sexual, but lately I’ve noticed that it also works on a
societal level.
I've noticed because my oldest child is transgender.
Last year, while Christmas shopping, I had
a cashier who was tall with lovely make-up, long hair, and a conspicuous 5 o’clock
shadow. I saw the uncertainty in this person’s eyes and was polite, but I did ignorantly
wonder why anyone would choose to live like that. In March of this year we
discovered that our oldest is transgender and I immersed myself in trying to
understand what that meant, because I obviously had no idea. Now that I’ve
studied it and I’m faced with the prospect of sending my adult transgender daughter
out into the world, I want to educate the whole world about “why anyone would
choose to live like that.” So here is your chance to take my Transgender
101 course!
You are familiar with the idea of opposites: there
are opposite seasons, and opposite poles on a magnet. I feel pretty confident in offering the idea that
everything that you have thought or experienced, someone has thought or
experienced the exact opposite. You were likely born with organs on the inside
of your body, and there are people born with their
organs on the outside of
their bodies.
Obviously you love chocolate, but our
law of opposites says that some one out there hates it (but probably only ONE
person, right?). You can recognize the face of a loved one, and there are highly
functioning people who cannot (prosopagnosia). Your sense of gender matches your biological
body, and my daughter’s does not. Why is that last one so hard to accept?
Because our society’s perspective on 'weak spots' is a weak spot.
|
Close up of the Genderbread Man from the link below. |
Your first reading assignment is found
here, a link to the Genderbread Man. It’s illustrative and short. It defines the four aspects of self. The one that everyone is best educated about is biological sex (A.K.A ‘the weak spot’), or what the doctor looked at when you were born so that she
could inform your parents as to whether you were a boy or a girl. Once they
heard that, your parents assumed that you would dress accordingly, align your
gender with this announcement, and fall in love with someone of the opposite
sex. Those are three assumptions based on one declaration, and in about 90% of
people, it works out that way. But in reality, each of those four aspects is
independent of each other: biological sex, gender identity, attraction, and gender
expression. But you already know that because you just studied the Genderbread
man!
Nature fascinates people. People were so
excited when those Planet Earth videos came out. Scientists love to study
nature and marvel at the uniqueness; the animals that operate outside the
majority. There are male sea horses that carry the young, girl reindeers that
grow boy-sized antlers, and then
there is the platypus. If any animal can empathize with the scrutiny and disbelief that transgender people face, it's the platypus! We marvel over how these animals operate outside the realm
of the majority. Yet we struggle to accept the minority in our society – it’s a
weak spot.
A person who is transgender has gender
dysphoria. Their mind identifies with a gender that does not align with their
biological sex. Reading #2: link here to a medical definition of gender dysphoria. That was the first article I read after hearing that my oldest may
be transgender. Then I scoured
YouTube, watching transgender people bravely share their experiences of changing their bodies and appearance to match the gender that
they identify as. And after a month of study I had my answer to why anyone
would choose to live like that. It is really pretty simple: because it is their
physical challenge and they are trying to deal with it. To me, it’s parallel to
why a diabetic needs insulin: because their body failed them. A transgender
person needs hormone therapy because their body failed them. I believe
that the reason that our society can support insulin for diabetics, but not
hormones for transgender people is because the latter has to do with “the weak
spot”.
Finally, after talking a little science, I want to talk a little religion. I know that God
loves my daughter. I plead with you
to focus your energies on something that God has made clear, and that is "that ye love one another". And if you think that you are showing love by pointing out what you consider to be a sin, then I ask that you focus on Matthew 7:12 and treat others as you would want them to treat you.
As we have shared our daughter’s challenge with family, friends and neighbours we have only been met with loving and supportive responses. This experience, although challenging, has not been without truly beautiful moments. Following the example of
Glennon Doyle Melton, I will be closing the comment section to my post, so that it stays a safe place for my daughter to visit.
Unfortunately, that leaves no way for you to leave your address so that I can
mail you your Transgender 101 certificate, so just demonstrate your new found
knowledge by making the world a more accepting place for transgender people.
As a reward for completing Transgender 101,
please listen to Sara Bareilles' upbeat song BRAVE, (Thanks, Katie!) which puts into words my
hope for my daughter, Robyn.